Weekly Feature #1

Not a day goes by that some poor slob doesn't come up to me, and says, "O Dapper One, please help me attain a mere smidgen of your stylishness." Sometimes not in so many words, but I can see it in their pleading eyes, beseeching me to throw some pearls of wisdom at their ill-clad feet.

I jest, of course, but I am regarded by some as a rather elegant individual, and I have some definite ideas on how to present oneself at one's best. So, because this is my blog, dammit, and I can pretty much post whatever I please, for the next 26 Sundays, I'll be going through my personal A-Z of Style. Remember, take it all with a grain of salt, and with tongue slightly in cheek. I'm dead serious about most of the advice I impart, but also fully aware that most modern folk couldn't give a fig!

Ready? Let's begin.

A is for... ACCCESSORIES.

We're not talking about logo-mania here. If I see one more queen (male or biological female) parading about looking as if Louis Vuitton or Gucci had personally monogrammed their entire body, I'll scream. You do not need the matching man bag, belt, visor and scarf.

The accessories I refer to are of a more discreet, yet practical nature. Here are the accessories I personally find indispensible:

Card Case. It should be slim, thin enough to fit inside your breast pocket without bulging or distorting your jacket. You need only fit your ID, credit card(s), bank card and such in this. I find wallets ridiculous; they're often so big, I have no idea where you're supposed to put them. To see a wallet bulging out of a man's pocket is unattractive; it wears down your pants; and who in their right mind wants to make their ass look bigger? I'm partial to the glossy alligator cases by Lambertson Truex; they cost around $150 (far less than a designer wallet), and I'm anal enough to have one to match the major color stories of my shoes: black, chocolate brown, caramel.

Money Clip. Since you've done away with your bulky wallet, you'll need a money clip for your cash. Unless you're a drug dealer, you probably don't need a huge wad of green on your person at any one time, so a few neccessary bills tucked into a slim money clip should be sufficient. Tip: buy one with a grooved or ridged surface; it won't show nicks or scratches as much as a smooth finish. Opt for something simple in sterling silver; Cartier makes thin, elegant pieces which, surprisingly enough, won't break the bank. The magnetic leather variety are beneath discussion.

Agenda. I'm old-school. I don't own a Blackberry or iPhone. As it is, my cel phone is the bare bones, basic model which doesn't even take photos (it follows that I also don't have a MySpace page with which to show off pouty-lipped self-portraits from said phone). Frankly, I find it maddening to see grown men and women typing furiously away on those damn things in public; cel phone and electronic device etiquette (or lack thereof) is another post for another time, but there's something civilized about owning a lovely agenda, and actually writing down important notes, messages, numbers, addresses, dates, etc. My agenda was a decadent splurge: it's butterscotch alligator (getting it out of Europe required almost as much paperwork as adopting a Bosnian baby), but the neutral color means that it looks appropriate with everything, and it will last forever.

Pen. Again, a defiant kick in the teeth to technology. Carry a pen. You probably need one more often than you realize; and when the necessity does arise, you're usually scrambling about, trying to find one that actually works. I always have my pen tucked into one of my breast pockets, and believe me, I use it dozens of times a day, in and out of the workplace. Montblanc and Cartier make gorgeous, heirloom-quality fountain pens, but many of them would look out of place on anyone but a 6'3", broad-shouldered CEO in his distinguished fifties. I have a slim, silver Cartier ballpoint model which suits this 5'6", small-shouldered peon in his unremarkable 30's much better.

Bag. Yes, I do endorse the man bag -- but with qualifications. I abhor all but the most discreet logos. Your bag (be it messenger bag, attache case, carry-all, or overnight bag) should be about A) its primary function and B) the quality of its craftsmanship, not about advertising for some brand. You're giving them money -- not the other way around.

For business occasions, I have a serious black attache from Louis Vuitton in Epi leather -- no monograms or logos, save for one, discreet, embossed logo hidden on a bottom corner. For less formal business, I have a Prada leather briefcase in a shade that's a tinge more royal than navy; it goes with absolutely everything. For overnights, I have a sturdy, roomy Prada bag in burnt orange leather and brown canvas; it holds everything, without appearing shapeless, and looks smart with traveling togs. And for longer airplane trips, my carry-on bag is a Louis Vuitton travel bag in deep grey Taiga leather: again, no logos.

In short, accessories don't make the man, or the outfit; but when carefully chosen, can add a certain refinement and elegance. The wrong ones, on the other hand, will trumpet the owner's bad taste far louder than their clothes, shoes or other outward appearance ever could.