Who Got Da Funk?

In our sophisticated little corner of the world, food plays a huge role in our happiness and well-being. We'll never have the patience to put together a perfectly stunning meal with nary a hair out of place, or a spot on our shantung silk shift; but we appreciate good (not necessarily "fine") food in all its forms and levels. We study. We research. We read cookbooks and the Zagat guides cover to cover, like novels.

However, what constitutes "good eating" depending on our bi-polar dis..., er, mood differs substantially. For instance, during a Happy Time, our idea of a terrific meal might include a perfectly cooked order of steak frites: charred-on-the-outside-red-on-the-inside steak, well-seasoned, with crispy-on-the-outside-melty-on-the-inside frites; washed down by a perfectly mixed Martini, lots of spring water, and good company to converse with (and get dressed up for). We'll eat about half our portion, feel perfectly virtuous, and still have room to possibly split a plate of various sorbets or, if we're feeling decadent, to steal a beignet from someone else's plate.

During a Funky Time, the basic components of a perfect meal remain the same, but viewed through a Funhouse mirror:






Another important distinction from a Happy Time: Funky Time meals are eaten in solitude, with no one watching (among other reasons, so no one can see the molten pasteurized cheese sauce dripping down our chin); and there is none of that dainty leave-half-on-your-plate business. For one thing, there are no plates or cutlery involved. All of it is devoured caveman style, with not one morsel left behind on the grease-stained wrapper or in the grease-saturated cone.

As you can see, we here at Stirred, Straight Up with a Twist are not macrobiotic vegans even during the best of times; but we are a sight more glamorous than in our Funky Times. This is a Funky-esque Time right now; we haven't made the final jump into Baconator territory just yet, but we've wiggled our toes in the dangerous waters of the Spicy Chicken Sandwich.



Don't worry. Our obsession with maintaining our waistline usually precludes Funky Time from lasting any longer than 3 days.