Friday, August 1, 2008

Scene from a Very Famous New York Restaurant

Time: Yesterday

Place: A Very Famous New York Restaurant

MAN: "We don't have reservations; can you seat us just so we can say we've been here? We really only want a drink."

WOMAN: "I was here when I was a little girl, with my parents..."

The HOSTESS graciously seats them. The WAITER appears.

WAITER: "May I take your order?"

WOMAN [examining the specialty cocktail menu]: "This looks interesting...but $16? How much is a regular cocktail?"

WAITER: "They are all $16, madam."

WOMAN: "Oh, that's just too much for a drink, I didn't...Well, how much is a glass of wine?"

[The WAITER opens the menu to the wines by the glass selection]

WOMAN [studying the prices]: "Just let me have an iced tea."

MAN: "Make it two."

[WAITER departs. BUSBOY appears with the bread selection.]

BUSBOY: "Would you care for some bread? We have pumpernickel, whole grain or sourdough."

MAN: "Sor-Doe? What is that?"

BUSBOY: "SOURdough, sir."

WOMAN: "Is that the white one?"

MAN: "Just give us one of each."

[BUSBOY gives MAN and WOMAN each three pieces of bread, and departs.]

WOMAN: "I feel decadent tonight. Let's order one prix fixe dinner and share it."

[The MAN signals to the WAITER.]

MAN: "Is there a sharing fee if we split one dinner?"

WAITER: "No, sir."

MAN: "Well, I think we'd like to do the pre-theater prix fixe."

WAITER: "I'm sorry, sir, but the pre-theater ends at 6:15."

MAN: "Isn't it 6:13 now?"

WAITER: "No, sir, it's past 6:15."

[The MAN raises his voice in protest. The HOSTESS approaches the table, and agrees to extend the pre-theater menu for the MAN and WOMAN, then departs.]

MAN [examining menu]: "I've never heard of this...What is this made of?...What does this taste like?...Why is there a $5 supplemental charge for that?...We've never eaten this kind of food before...Well, my wife wants the caviar, and it's a special occasion for her, so could you waive the $5 supplemental charge?...No?...Well, we'll splurge...On the other hand, this sounds good, too...How is this prepared?...What does it come with?...What is that?...Oh, let's just go with her first choice...Yes, with the caviar."

[The WAITER departs.]

WOMAN: "Now I feel guilty...Have him cancel the caviar."

MAN: "Are you sure?"

WOMAN: "Yes, it's too expensive. Five Dollars!"

[MAN signals to WAITER]

WAITER [through clenched teeth]: "Yes, sir?"

MAN: "My wife doesn't want the caviar supplement."

WAITER: "Very well, sir."

This dinner-as-theater scene unfolded before our very eyes last night, as we watched, aghast and delighted, from the comfort of a very Joan Crawford-esque round booth. We knew, going into the restaurant,  that it would be filled with obnoxious out-of-towners, flashy dames (two women who resembled The Dolly Sisters on a bender were seated next to us), and their older "uncles" (there was a high-priced hooker and her john making a transaction across the room). We didn't expect quite so much of it. Still, we like the joint, and the martinis are cold. Any guesses as to where we were?


5 comments:

  1. My first guess was the Russian Tea Room but I don't think it has round booths. How about the Oak Room at the Algonquin?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Overheard in New York! Priceless!

    Sardi's?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Child, you was at Sardi's, and you was styling!

    Either that or 21. So, tell!

    ReplyDelete