Scene from a Very Famous New York Restaurant

Time: Yesterday

Place: A Very Famous New York Restaurant

MAN: "We don't have reservations; can you seat us just so we can say we've been here? We really only want a drink."

WOMAN: "I was here when I was a little girl, with my parents..."

The HOSTESS graciously seats them. The WAITER appears.

WAITER: "May I take your order?"

WOMAN [examining the specialty cocktail menu]: "This looks interesting...but $16? How much is a regular cocktail?"

WAITER: "They are all $16, madam."

WOMAN: "Oh, that's just too much for a drink, I didn't...Well, how much is a glass of wine?"

[The WAITER opens the menu to the wines by the glass selection]

WOMAN [studying the prices]: "Just let me have an iced tea."

MAN: "Make it two."

[WAITER departs. BUSBOY appears with the bread selection.]

BUSBOY: "Would you care for some bread? We have pumpernickel, whole grain or sourdough."

MAN: "Sor-Doe? What is that?"

BUSBOY: "SOURdough, sir."

WOMAN: "Is that the white one?"

MAN: "Just give us one of each."

[BUSBOY gives MAN and WOMAN each three pieces of bread, and departs.]

WOMAN: "I feel decadent tonight. Let's order one prix fixe dinner and share it."

[The MAN signals to the WAITER.]

MAN: "Is there a sharing fee if we split one dinner?"

WAITER: "No, sir."

MAN: "Well, I think we'd like to do the pre-theater prix fixe."

WAITER: "I'm sorry, sir, but the pre-theater ends at 6:15."

MAN: "Isn't it 6:13 now?"

WAITER: "No, sir, it's past 6:15."

[The MAN raises his voice in protest. The HOSTESS approaches the table, and agrees to extend the pre-theater menu for the MAN and WOMAN, then departs.]

MAN [examining menu]: "I've never heard of this...What is this made of?...What does this taste like?...Why is there a $5 supplemental charge for that?...We've never eaten this kind of food before...Well, my wife wants the caviar, and it's a special occasion for her, so could you waive the $5 supplemental charge?...No?...Well, we'll splurge...On the other hand, this sounds good, too...How is this prepared?...What does it come with?...What is that?...Oh, let's just go with her first choice...Yes, with the caviar."

[The WAITER departs.]

WOMAN: "Now I feel guilty...Have him cancel the caviar."

MAN: "Are you sure?"

WOMAN: "Yes, it's too expensive. Five Dollars!"

[MAN signals to WAITER]

WAITER [through clenched teeth]: "Yes, sir?"

MAN: "My wife doesn't want the caviar supplement."

WAITER: "Very well, sir."

This dinner-as-theater scene unfolded before our very eyes last night, as we watched, aghast and delighted, from the comfort of a very Joan Crawford-esque round booth. We knew, going into the restaurant,  that it would be filled with obnoxious out-of-towners, flashy dames (two women who resembled The Dolly Sisters on a bender were seated next to us), and their older "uncles" (there was a high-priced hooker and her john making a transaction across the room). We didn't expect quite so much of it. Still, we like the joint, and the martinis are cold. Any guesses as to where we were?