Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tell Us a Story

All right, darlings - we're putting you to work!
We've laid the groundwork for a glamorous tale of intrigue; now, tell us the story!


  1. Madame Tussauds were not exactly sure what to do with the poor dear so they decided to consult TJB to see if he could come up with any ideas. True to form the ever stylish TJB came up with several dioramas, that have now gone out to the public for votes.

  2. It's quite obvious, really. Someone has stolen the poor dear's gloves, and she is faced with a TERRIBLE dilemma. She canNOT make her entrance with her usual flair while being only partially clothed, but neither can she let that harpie in black in the mirror move in on her man.

    Mother always said there would be days like this. Unfortunately, mother tended to ring for another martini rather than supply any truly helpful advice.

  3. linda is hoping that her ill-timed flatulence will somehow manage to disperse despite the absence of a vent.

  4. As Francesca descended the staircase, she paused and caught sight of their reflected images. In that moment she was glad she had instructed Gladys, the downstairs maid, to spend extra time cleaning and polishing the mirrors. Natascha was making her move for Rex but Francesca could see by her dejected silhouette that it had come to nothing – just like all the other debutante’s who threw themselves Rex’s way.

    Francesca knew Rex’s secret but didn’t care. In fact, she relished in the memory. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. The thought made her smile but only a little; after all the ball room was full of guests and all eyes were on her.

    She paused for effect as she cast a confident glimpse behind her. Yes, he was following. Rex always followed her...

  5. OMG all those comments are absolutely brilliant and hysterically funny! Especially Scooter, and Norma Desmond.

  6. Jeanelle was apprehensive as to how freely she could mix and mingle this evening, given that she was hired as the formal affair's nurse-on-duty. She was also uncertain as to how well she could, if required, actually provide medical assistance, when her 'medical bag' had room only for a rectal thermometer and a band-aid.

  7. Open Book--absolutely brilliant.

  8. Viviana was so very conflicted.

    What had possessed her to wear a bright white gown with her dreadfully sallow complexion?

    And yet, what a gown it was!!

    "Will they overlook my unfortunate skin tone, my bad dye job, and my ridiculous eye shadow, and judge me only by my fashion sense and my absurdly tiny waist, as I ardently hope?" she thought.

    After hours spent vogue-ing it in the hotel lobby, Viviana finally admitted her mistake to herself.

    Nothing, not even an 18-inch waist, can excuse such poor judgment when it comes to what colors complement one.

    She went home chastened, sadder, but wiser, never again to carelessly inflict such a fashion crime on an unsuspecting society.


  9. Rayelene really enjoyed her job at Mr. Dreysdale's big house in Beverly Hills. Actually the house was in Bel Air, but every time she would tell her stepfather and mother that, they would ask "Why would somone living in a Chevy need a maid?"

    So one night the Dreysdales were getting ready for a BIG party and Mrs. Dreydale said to Raylene - she often called her Raylene "Raylene" because that was her name - "I need you to dress in your black uniform for the function tonight."

    So Raylene did as she was told, HOWEVER, in rummaging around in the storage room where the Fancy Maiding unforms were kept, Raylene found Mrs. Dreydales wedding dress and was smitten with it. So she hatched a plan. Raylene would finish her shift at the coat check, then dart into one of the Dreydales 30 unused bedrooms, don the white wedding dress, annd then step out into the "pardy" for a couple minutes to see what it was like at a "pardy" where everyone was so fancy.

    So Raylene snuck into that bedroom and shucked off her maiding outfit, touched herself inappropriatly in he special lady place, and transformed herself into The Countess of The Raylene's" and then crept out into the hall and down to the "pardy".

    All went fine, and people looked at her with her ratty old "green" purse and that shiney wedding dress. Who is that creature she heard one woman say. Raylene looked around - she didn't see no creatures loose in the party. Many men smiled at her, to which Raylene replied "this here fancy dress has got pockets and everything!"

    Suddenly, there was a whoop and something falling and crashing. It was Mrs. Dreysdale, fainted dead away.

    "Oh, shit," though Raylene, I'd better git myself out of here before someone else tries to slip a twenty in my garter and wants a dance with the bride."

    The End

  10. Miss C is on everyone list for an invitation, but she often finds herself alone at functions.

    It isn't that she isn't a great conversationalist, because she can develop instant rapport with the most difficult of people.

    And yet she is often by herself, without a girls friend in site and an empty dance card in her pocket because of the one unforgivable sin that assures her that she will never be engaged in conversation or asked to waltz.

    And what could cause a lovely lady like Cynthia to be alone and not the bell of the ball? Cynthia suffers from the only sin greater than her stinky Secret Lady Place - wearing white after Labor Day.

    Don't let this happen to you. Be sure to pack your summer whites as soon as the Labor Day dance at has ended. We don't care if the party is at the Yacht Club, or the Fish and Game Club. When the Fashion establishment says no white after labor day, they mean it.

  11. Bravi, darlings! Kudos especially to Scooter, our new friend Barreleh, and Cookie for really taking the idea and running with it.

  12. The Looks of Lypsinka (a short story)

    1. Rage
    2. Fear
    3. Horror
    4. Murder
    5. Sublime
    6. Reflection
    7. Pensive
    8. Delight
    9. Disorientation

  13. no doubt the lyp would love that.

  14. One last one.

    "Esther Finklestein donned her best dress from B. Altman's andwore it to her second cousin Barry's Bar Mitzvah. She parted her father's Cadillac and entered into the Country Club, and mistakenly made a right, instead of a left and ended up surrounded by all sorts of people that she didn't know. When it dawned on her that something was am amiss and sure enough she found herself in the midest of the Finkleman WEDDING! Hillarity ensues!" ~ TV Guide, Listing for My Dear Miss Finklestein, March 27, 1954 on the DuMont Television Network.

  15. After Suzy Parker dropped out of the project, the studio ill-advisedly replaced her with Blaize Haywood (nee Bridey McClanahan) for its modern update of the Cinderella story, "The Glass Stiletto." Due to unexplained health issues, costume designer Edith Head was also forced to drop out of the production, to be replaced by one-time protege Yves Chartrain, who was later credited for designing the nuns' habits for "The Trouble With Angels." (But NOT for its sequel, "Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows.")

    Alas, the Cinderella flick was pulled from the release schedule after a disastrous sneak preview in Encino and neither it nor its star has ever seen the light of day again.

  16. ayem8y - Brilliant.

    Normadesmond - I can only dream of the Lyp deigning to read this humble blog!

    Cookie - You're twisted, and I love you for it.

    Topaz - Who are you?! You must comment more often.