Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Name That Queen!

Pick one (or more!) of these dazzling dolls, and tell us their story, darlings!!!



  1. OK, since they don't have letters or numbers under their pictures, I am going to assume that there are five rows.

    Second from left, fourth row

    Drag Name Name: Anita Stiletto

    Street Name: Dominic "The Razor" Pinzone

    Night Job: Torch Singer, comedienne

    Day Job: Tony Siccone's personal driver and right hand man.

    Known for her stirring redention of "Send in the Clowns", and "I Wish I could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate," Anita is a favorite with the "Tony and Antoinette" set. Just never ask her for a favor, unless you are prepared to do a favor for her in return.

  2. Third row, center.

    Stage Name: Lotte Gristle

    Day Job: Head Meat Cutter at the Perth Amboy A&P.

    Famous for her rendition of "Take Back Your Mink" from Guys and Dolls, but her big show stopper (performed in a simple cotton housedress and apron with a dish rag as a prop) is her plaintive version of "Suppertime", for you see she has developed the talent to be able to cry on cue.

  3. Bottom row, second from the right.

    Drag Name ~ Chanda Lear
    Real Name ~ Barbara Morris

    She's just some strung out housewife pretending for shits and giggles.

  4. Fourth row, far left.

    Stage Name - Ann Baxter
    Real Name - See above

    Talent - Scene stealer on the comeback trail after several years in the Austrailian bush.

    Bigtime Connections: Granddaughter of Frank Lloyd Wright.

    Performs to Bette Davis singing They're Either Too Young or Too Old.

  5. Fourth Row, Far Right

    Stage Name: Ivana Blowya
    Real Name: Lucy Harbin

    Talent - Dances the Bossa Nova to records (on which she strikes the matches to light her cigs) and is known for her clanking charm bracelets.

    Day Job - Axe sharpener at Brinkmeyer's Hardware Store.

    PS - These photos are screamingly funny and amazing!

  6. I can't get past the fact that they're matchbooks. Lordy. I think the one in the very top right corner had a gig for a while on the old Thunderbirds tv show. And for that reason, I love her.

  7. I, Ophelia

    I am Miss Ophelia Hardon, thankyouverymuch! That's what I told the snippy saleswoman at Hall's Department Store down on the Plaza. Why did she need my name anyway? I paid cash for the dress, 69 one dollar bills I'd carefully smoothed out from last week's earnings. The gown is a vision, a seafoam organza Don Loper, way over my budget, but my clientele seem to demand it from me -- that touch of class. Not like those other cheap tricks at the J.B. with their home-made gunny sacks and freak show wigs. I'd paid a pretty penny for my hair, too -- an Arlene Dahl "Temptress" -- and it was worth every cent! Quality tells, and it holds a set like a dream.

    After you've been on the circuit a while like I've been, places like Salina and Leavenworth (it was there that "Bettina Chatsworth" was born, and Lonnie Butz Jr. had died), coming to KCMO is definitely the big time, so you have to act accordingly. Still, it wasn't St. Louis. Or Cleveland. Some dreams are just too big to dream.

    Artie, the J.B's manager, just showed me the latest line-up card and I've finally moved up to the color section! That's me, second row, on the left. Artie tells me that's actually the best spot, because I've got my own little area all to myself. I wonder if I should send a copy to Mother back in Junction City. She'd never show it to anybody, though. Not "Uncle" Walter or "Uncle" Vernon or anybody else staying there these days. They'd think I was prettier than she is! I should definitely send one to Fr. Martinez, though, and write on it, "See what you made, Padre?" Ugh, I still can't get the taste of dick cheese out of my mouth.

    Mother always said Kansas City was part of Lonnie Butz Sr.'s territory. Wouldn't it be funny if he showed up at the club one night? I'd call to him from the stage, "Hey Daddy, look! Your little boy is all growed up!"

  8. Second Row, Far Left in color with the Champaign bouffant.

    Stage Name: Angostura Bitters

    Real Name: Eva Grubs

    Big Time Connections: She’s the father of Eddie Haskell

    Talent: Chanteuse, raconteur, stripper. She does a show stopper involving Chinese contortionists, flaming hoops, myna birds and a donkey.

    Day Job: She’s TJB’s assistant at the HHoF.