We'd also have a serious, wind-resistant bouffant flip...
...and, most crucially, we'd have a debut album entitled Meet ___________, featuring a snappily illustrated cover portrait and a Valley of the Dolls-esque mobile background.
Even better, at age 81, we'd still be going strong and sounding magnificent - and we'd have giddy gay bloggers absolutely wetting themselves with glee that they're seeing our newest show at The Metropolitan Room not once, but twice.
Marvelous Marilyn Maye performing recently at Jim Caruso's Cast Party at Birdland.
If you see us at The Metropolitan on Sunday the 14th or Sunday the 21st, do say hello. (If you buy us a drink, we'll be even more receptive.)