Why Do the Wrong People Travel?

As our dear friend Muscato pointed out in his corner of the world, there was a time when people dressed like this to travel:

We'd also like to point out that this would have been considered casual day wear, suitable for such sporty events as day tripping after you come into port.

Somewhere along the line, people stopped dressing for travel. Nowadays, when I fly, I feel as if I'm chaperoning a large combination slumber party and fraternity beer blast; the girls are all in their pajamas and yoga pants, while the guys are all in dirty tee shirts, shorts and flip flops.

Look, I get it. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable when they travel, particularly if it's a long international flight. Even if it isn't, dealing with surly security agents, cramped seating and endless delays can wrack your nerves. But that doesn't mean that any of us really want to see you in your pajamas, sans makeup. If we did, we would have married you.

So, dear readers, permit me to get all Joan Crawford/My Way of Life on you and share what I do when I travel abroad, which is usually a 9 hour flight. I typically go twice a year, and my "uniform" rarely varies:

* Dark trousers: black, charcoal grey, midnight navy. They won't show wrinkles as much. And need I mention that they shouldn't be overly baggy (you'll look like you're wearing a Hefty bag after a few hours) or fashion-victim tight (you'll have blood clots in your thighs after a few hours on a plane)?

* A simple shirt. I usually either opt for basic white, or a classic pattern.

* A lightweight V-neck or cardigan sweater. I think this is essential! First of all, the sweater won't show wrinkles nearly as badly as your shirt. Second, airplanes can get ridiculously cold, no matter the season. Ideally, your sweater should be a thin wool or cashmere, which will better stand up to wrinkling.

* A sport coat. I don't necessarily always wear it, but I always at least have a coordinating sport coat over my arm, and I'll tell you why: if your luggage gets lost, you want to be prepared. And when I do arrive at my destination, if I feel like wearing a jacket, I have it ready and unwrinkled. (It would also be wise to pack the most expensive shoes you'll be taking in your carry-on, along with a fresh change of underwear, a clean shirt, and a different pair of trousers.)

* Comfortable shoes. This does not include flip flops or sneakers. I don't know about you girls, but when I fly, my feet swell up like a zeppelin. If I wore constructed loafers, say, I'd never get 'em back on after I slipped 'em off. So I choose either driving shoes or very flexible lace-ups that are more pliable, and easy to get on and off.

* Small, travel- or sample-sized versions of face cleanser, moisturizer, and those weird finger-puppet-style disposable gizmos which brush your teeth. Also, a clean washcloth and a ziploc bag. Before we land, I duck into the lavatory, wash my face, brush my teeth, and throw the washcloth back into the ziploc. I also heartily recommend Kiehl's Eye Alert cream, which combats circles and puffiness; and Bliss' Instant Mattification, which goes on transparently to eliminate shine (and no, butch, it is not makeup). And both of these products are packaged in small, convenient tubes. Also, Visine eye drops are absolutely essential.

* Sunglasses. Because even with the Eye Alert and Visine, you may need them.

Put it all together, and voila! This is how your blogger likes to travel:

EN ROUTE TO VENICE'S LEONARDO DA VINCI AIRPORT

Of course, once you reach your destination, it is entirely your prerogative to doff your traveling duds and just relax:

So there you have it, my dears: completely unsolicited, presumptious advice from my little corner of the world. You may thank me later.

BON VOYAGE!