For Crist's Sake...

...come out of the goddamn closet already.

As we've stated before, we rarely get political around here. Actually, almost never. (At least not publicly.) But if one subject really gets our blood boiling, it's hypocritical, closeted gay politicians. Especially hypocritical, closeted gay politicians who would vote to ban gay marriage. Case in point: the current governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, is being touted as front-runner for the Republican vice presidential candidacy.

Gov. Crist has been a bachelor for 30 years (following an early, childless marriage which lasted less than a year) and just announced his rather sudden engagement to his girlfriend of nine months. Hmmm. To get Crist to the altar after 30 years must take the wiles of a good woman...or the lure of the Republican Convention less than 2 months away.

Some interesting points about Charlie Crist:

He's a beauty queen! During his college years, he was named Mr. Seminole.

The proprietor of a gay bar in Tampa called The Green Iguana insists that Crist was a regular customer there during the 1990's. (The article linked above is very interesting...just Google "Charlie Crist gay" and you'll find plenty more.)

Elite Republican circles have long been aware of several male GOP staffers who have boasted to private acquaintances (not the press) of affairs with Crist.

Gov. Crist and his now-fiancee, Carole Rome, are featured "making out" on an elevator security video, which began circulating (supposedly "leaked" by Republican sources) right after the gay rumors began growing especially loud. (Note to Governor: if you and your beard want to dispel rumors of homosexuality, don't use Ryan Seacrest and Teri Hatcher's "impromptu" make out session as your template for success, OK?)

Now, we admit that the whole "Charlie Crist is Gay" business is pure speculation; and while the rumors have circulated around Florida for many years, it's surely as non-coincidental as Crist's sudden engagement that these rumors are heating up just as Crist is being touted as McCain's possible running mate. Of course, we would hate to be judged by purely circumstantial and/or anecdotal evidence. But, hey, we're not politicians gunning to help run the free world.

Finally, we'll just say this: not every handsome, long-term bachelor with sharp suits and a perma-tan is gay. Also, the fact that Crist can't properly knot his skinny tie, and further, shouldn't be wearing a skinny tie with so large a collar in the first place, gives the Republicans a glimmer of hope amidst the growing Chinese whispers about the governor's not-so-secret past.

But sometimes, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and tans like a duck...

We're just sayin'.