In case you're wondering what to get your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner/spousal equivalent for Valentine's Day next year, apparently, a threesome is all the rage.
Traveling the cocktail circuit on Friday night, I cut a pretty figure in my dark, inky denim; pale blue shirt; navy blue merino zippered vest; cream colored silk velvet blazer; navy, dark green, and orange deco print pocket hank; and handmade wingtips the color of burnished mahogany. Oh, and baby blue and cream cashmere socks. The devil is in the details. Anyway, my purpose was, of course, to seek solace in the arms of another single soul in the city. In my experience, the day before Valentine's Day (or V-Day itself) finds hordes of singles descending upon the watering holes in a last-ditch attempt to get laid, so my chances were pretty good. What I didn't count on was the high ratio of couples out and about, looking for a third. I got propositioned no less than three times (fittingly) by three different couples.
Now, look. I'm not Little Nell from the country. There isn't much that surprises me, and even less that shocks me. But I was slightly taken aback by the sheer number of propositions from couples that evening. On the other hand, attention from one admirer is flattering; attention by two at a time is more flattering, still. And, with the proper lighting and the right cocktail, I suppose they could start to look like Fredric March and Gary Cooper...
At any rate, now that I'm hip to this new trend, consider me for your Valentine's Day gift next year, won't you? Threesomes aren't my thing (as Mary Haines declaims, "I don't enjoy being part of a group, Stephen, even if I am first!"), but hey, we're in a recession, and everyone should pull their weight. I'm less expensive than jewelry, less fattening than chocolate, and stay fresh much longer than flowers. Fredric March and Gary Cooper ringers step to the head of the line.