Ageless Audrey

Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina (Paramount, 1954)

Gary Cooper and Audrey Hepburn in Love In The Afternoon (Allied Artists, 1957)

Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire in Funny Face (Paramount, 1957)

Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in Charade (Universal, 1963)

Audrey Hepburn and William Holden in Paris When It Sizzles (Paramount, 1964)

Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady (Warner Bros., 1964)

Among her many talents: teaching old dogs new tricks.

I'll Take Tallulah's Advice

"I'm off to Hollywod, dahling, to fuck that divine Gary Cooper!"

Une Una

Our latest Mystery Guest, the singularly fabulous Una Merkel, was correctly guessed by several clever readers. But the first was Pancakes Barbara, about whom we sadly know little -- except that our Adonis figures won't last forever without a little help from the kitchen.

Una, of course, enlivened countless films of the 1930's, ranging from the dreary (Murder in the Private Car, anyone?) to the sublime -- our favorites being Red Headed Woman (1932) and Bombshell (1933), two of her hilarious pairings with Jean Harlow, who was no slouch in the cracking wise department herself. La Merkel also duked it out with Dietrich in Destry Rides Again (1939), resulting in one of the most famous catfights in screen history.

Strangely, Merkel's career tapered off in the 1940's; she appeared in only 15 films in the entire decade (and in increasingly diminished productions), as compared to more than 50 in her 1930's heyday. Perhaps personal troubles contributed to this downward turn: in 1946, Merkel nearly died when her mother committed suicide by turning on the gas in their home. Still, this wry-yet-bubbly dynamo was still capable of eliciting guffaws, which she is seen doing below to Gary Cooper, no less, and starlet Phyllis (ex-Mrs. Cary Grant) Brooks in 1943.


Happily, Merkel enjoyed a comeback in the 1950's, transitioning from sidekick to mother/aunt roles for both stage and screen. She won a Tony in 1959 for The Ponder Heart, and in 1961 she finally earned an Oscar nomination for her against-type work in Summer and Smoke. That same year, she made a memorable appearance as Verbena, the chatty maid in The Parent Trap; La Merkel must have been a hit with the good folks at Disney, as they quickly cast her in two successive pictures, Summer Magic (1963), another Hayley Mills vehicle, and A Tiger Walks (1964). The latter is notable, incidentally, as being a thoroughly unremarkable family film with an absolutely spectacular cast: besides Merkel, it also features the glorious Vera Miles, the divinely dishy Peter Brown, and, in his final film, delightful Sabu Dastagir.

Una Merkel herself only had one more film left to make -- rather ingloriously, Spinout (1966) with Elvis. But it was a long and wonderful career, vividly etched with some of the best supporting turns ever preserved on celluloid. Miss Una Merkel passed away in 1986 at age 82.

And Baby Makes Three

In case you're wondering what to get your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner/spousal equivalent for Valentine's Day next year, apparently, a threesome is all the rage.


Traveling the cocktail circuit on Friday night, I cut a pretty figure in my dark, inky denim; pale blue shirt; navy blue merino zippered vest; cream colored silk velvet blazer; navy, dark green, and orange deco print pocket hank; and handmade wingtips the color of burnished mahogany. Oh, and baby blue and cream cashmere socks. The devil is in the details. Anyway, my purpose was, of course, to seek solace in the arms of another single soul in the city. In my experience, the day before Valentine's Day (or V-Day itself) finds hordes of singles descending upon the watering holes in a last-ditch attempt to get laid, so my chances were pretty good. What I didn't count on was the high ratio of couples out and about, looking for a third. I got propositioned no less than three times (fittingly) by three different couples.


Now, look. I'm not Little Nell from the country. There isn't much that surprises me, and even less that shocks me. But I was slightly taken aback by the sheer number of propositions from couples that evening. On the other hand, attention from one admirer is flattering; attention by two at a time is more flattering, still. And, with the proper lighting and the right cocktail, I suppose they could start to look like Fredric March and Gary Cooper...


At any rate, now that I'm hip to this new trend, consider me for your Valentine's Day gift next year, won't you? Threesomes aren't my thing (as Mary Haines declaims, "I don't enjoy being part of a group, Stephen, even if I am first!"), but hey, we're in a recession, and everyone should pull their weight. I'm less expensive than jewelry, less fattening than chocolate, and stay fresh much longer than flowers. Fredric March and Gary Cooper ringers step to the head of the line.

The Company She Keeps

WITH LESLIE HOWARD, NORMA SHEARER, GARY COOPER & LIONEL BARRYMORE


WITH RENATA TEBALDI


WITH LEONARD BERNSTEIN


WITH MARILYN MONROE


WITH COLE PORTER


WITH MARIA CALLAS & ARISTOTLE ONASSIS

The Hostess with the Mostess, Miss Elsa Maxwell.

* We have just been informed by one of our eagle-eyed readers that the gentleman in the second-to-last photograph is NOT, in fact, Cole Porter. Since gettyimages.com, from whence we stole, identifies him as such, we call upon any informed guesses as to who it might actually be!

How Did I Miss These Parties?