Just Imagine...

She could have been Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Reagan Warner Fortensky.

Holiday, Celebrate

Mayor Frank Shaw declares Lily Pons Day in Los Angeles.

Miss Pons is thrilled.

When Does it Stop?

We rarely get political on this blog. Frankly, we're often unfashionably un-PC in our opinions. We get tired of people (individuals and groups) playing the victim role, with seemingly everyone unable to either take accountability for their own actions, or to be determined enough to overcome their own obstacles.

But children have no voice, and they rely upon adults and the systems supposedly in place to protect them. So when we read the incredibly tragic story of Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11 year old who committed suicide after continual bullying for being perceived as "gay," we were not only saddened, but angered. Despite anti-bullying programs in place at the school, his torment continued without intervention. Yes, children get bullied all the time -- for looking different, for acting different, for not being part of the "cool crowd." It happens. Most get over it, and life goes on. 

But the particular virulence and hatred reserved for tormenting those perceived to be gay is unique and ferocious. In high school, we were teased for being perennially un-cool and also for being perceived as gay -- and at an age when we didn't really fully understand what "gay" meant, and sure as hell hadn't yet acted upon it. And we can tell you firsthand that, while being teased for being dorky wasn't fun, it wasn't scary or intimidating or something that made life seem unbearable.

Being the victim of homophobic taunts was. 

Going way beyond the superficial name-calling and teasing that most, if not all, kids endure, a homophobic school atmosphere is something we can only liken to a surreal, nightmarish hell. If we close our eyes, we can still feel the ice-cold terror of being circled by so many predators, and the word "faggot" being hurled at us with the kind of venom and bile we've, thankfully, never heard again. 

Say the words "dork" or "nerd" out loud. Then say "faggot" (or, "nigger," or any other truly hateful label). The difference is clear. The intent isn't just to make fun; it's to cause actual harm.

Somehow, we made it through: made it through the ostracism, the acts of violence and intimidation, the death threats taped to the lockers, the feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning and face another day. For whatever reason, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover couldn't make it through. Can we honestly place full blame for his death on his bullies and tormentors? Perhaps not. But we can, and must, take steps to eradicate the root cause of this bullying: the perception -- available and acceptable to kids who aren't even out of puberty yet! -- that being gay is the worst thing you can possibly be, and to be labeled as such is a fate worse than death.

Whether he was gay or not (and it doesn't matter), we wish we could have told Carl that's not the case. And someone needs to give Carl's tormentors, and every other would-be homophobe of any age, the same exact message. 

IN MEMORIUM

CARL JOSEPH WALKER-HOOVER

April 17, 1997 - April 6, 2009

Thanks to VINTAGE A GO-GO for bringing this to our attention.

Being First Lady Takes Balls

Since we often create our blog entries a bit in advance, we are still trembling with anticipation over Michelle Obama's cloaked-in-secrecy Inaugural Ball gown. One can only assume that it will be much more chic than dear, sweet Mrs. Eisenhower's endearingly dowdy pink, pearl-encrusted Nettie Rosenstein anachronism.


It stands to reason that, with her imposing height and regal bearing, Mrs. Obama could, conceivably, make a Bea Arthur-esque ensemble work; probably more so than poor Rosalyn Carter did.


A back-to-the-80's Jimmy Galanos column gown is timeless; and the one-shoulder look is certainly much more appropriate for Michelle Obama's tight, toned biceps than Mrs. Reagan's rather grisly anorexic hag flesh.


Of course, the standard that every First Lady in her wake has been held to, is that of Jacqueline Kennedy -- to whom Mrs. Obama has often been compared. While we certainly see the similarities between Camelot and the bright new day upon us, we also appreciate President Obama and his stylish wife as trailblazing individuals. We'd like to think that, whatever she decides to wear to the ball, Mrs. Obama will carry it with her trademark grace, intelligence, and authority. And, of course, she will have the ultimate accessory: a handsome, charismatic gentleman by her side.

Oh, Really?

We honestly wouldn't know, but we'll take his word for it.

Crazy in Love

The bright side of Proposition 8: we homosexuals need fear this fate no longer.

THANKS

We're Just Sayin'...

...it's nice to have a young, glamorous, attractive couple in the White House again.

Vote!

What's more frightening than Joan Crawford blanketing the land? We're fabulous, frivolous, and non-partisan here, but we're sure you know the answer to that one. Get out there and vote today!

For Crist's Sake...

...come out of the goddamn closet already.

As we've stated before, we rarely get political around here. Actually, almost never. (At least not publicly.) But if one subject really gets our blood boiling, it's hypocritical, closeted gay politicians. Especially hypocritical, closeted gay politicians who would vote to ban gay marriage. Case in point: the current governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, is being touted as front-runner for the Republican vice presidential candidacy.

Gov. Crist has been a bachelor for 30 years (following an early, childless marriage which lasted less than a year) and just announced his rather sudden engagement to his girlfriend of nine months. Hmmm. To get Crist to the altar after 30 years must take the wiles of a good woman...or the lure of the Republican Convention less than 2 months away.

Some interesting points about Charlie Crist:

He's a beauty queen! During his college years, he was named Mr. Seminole.

The proprietor of a gay bar in Tampa called The Green Iguana insists that Crist was a regular customer there during the 1990's. (The article linked above is very interesting...just Google "Charlie Crist gay" and you'll find plenty more.)

Elite Republican circles have long been aware of several male GOP staffers who have boasted to private acquaintances (not the press) of affairs with Crist.

Gov. Crist and his now-fiancee, Carole Rome, are featured "making out" on an elevator security video, which began circulating (supposedly "leaked" by Republican sources) right after the gay rumors began growing especially loud. (Note to Governor: if you and your beard want to dispel rumors of homosexuality, don't use Ryan Seacrest and Teri Hatcher's "impromptu" make out session as your template for success, OK?)

Now, we admit that the whole "Charlie Crist is Gay" business is pure speculation; and while the rumors have circulated around Florida for many years, it's surely as non-coincidental as Crist's sudden engagement that these rumors are heating up just as Crist is being touted as McCain's possible running mate. Of course, we would hate to be judged by purely circumstantial and/or anecdotal evidence. But, hey, we're not politicians gunning to help run the free world.

Finally, we'll just say this: not every handsome, long-term bachelor with sharp suits and a perma-tan is gay. Also, the fact that Crist can't properly knot his skinny tie, and further, shouldn't be wearing a skinny tie with so large a collar in the first place, gives the Republicans a glimmer of hope amidst the growing Chinese whispers about the governor's not-so-secret past.

But sometimes, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and tans like a duck...

We're just sayin'.

We Accepted!

We're off to California to marry that divine Guy Madison.

And we can't wait until he brings his buddies over for a barbecue!

Get Me to the Church on Time

We rarely get political around here, but of course, gay marriage is the hot topic everywhere in this country. In California, hundreds of gay and lesbian couples rushed to get their marriage licenses last month, when the state declared a ban on same-sex marriages unconstitutional. Opposition, of course, is just as strong, so stay tuned. In the meantime, perhaps you can help us with the decision of which proposal to accept:


JOHN GAVIN
Handsome, square-jawed, clean-living. Dull as dishwater.


GUY MADISON
The All-American, loves his mother and his country. Probably spends more time getting ready than we do.


ANTHONY EISLEY
Dark, suave and urbane. Bad temper. Likely alcoholic.


VAN WILLIAMS
No visible imperfections. However, has fetish for wearing masks. Devotion to Asian manservant suspect.


BRIAN KELLY
All around nice guy. Easy going. Good with kids and dolphins. We f*cking hate kids and dolphins.